My home away from home…
It’s been a while, hasn’t it? It’s always been a while, hah.
Nevertheless, university exams and constantly working has come to an end and my 3 month holiday has begun in Georgia, USA. It’s always interesting to see how life is different in another developed country even though many parallelisms can be drawn between the two nations of the USA and Australia.
In all honesty, it’s not all THAT different as I’m making it out to be. I mean, they drive cars, have road rules, laws, taxes, all of that stuff that we’re already used to in Australia, and yet, there’s still something enigmatic about it that makes you want to explore. Perhaps it’s purely the mysteriousness of the unknown that kindles a primeval desire to explore and “reveal the cloud of mystery”.
The tranquility of Bonaire, Georgia is starting to get to me though. As a city-slicker, exchanging my “fast-paced” and “busy” lifestyle for something so eerily quiet and, dare I say it, boring, is a massive change for me. The last time I was here it wasn’t that bad since my cousin was on break from college and so were my family friends, but now, they’re all attending college and school so it leaves me with a lot of time to think.
I should probably get it out of the way and say that it didn’t work out between me and that girl. I really don’t know how I should feel about that. I don’t want to be all attention-seeking and write a whole blog post about it for the world to see, and yet, I seek someone to comfort me at the same time … does that make me a bad person? I know millions of people around the world have it worse, and have felt worse than I have, and yet, for some reason, our mind seems to trick us into thinking that we’re alone in the world.
I told you the tranquility of this place isn’t helping.
I came to Bonaire under the pretenses of fostering a healthy, long-distance relationship and yet, a month before I was due to fly out, she tells me that she wants to sever the ties in order for self-preservation. As sad as I was, I could completely understand. However, understanding does not make it hurt any less, and it does not help the situation I am in at all.
All my life, I’ve been under the notion that one should not maintain any ties to the ones that hurt you, in order to move on and grow stronger. And yet, here I am agreeing to being “just friends” with someone I have intimate knowledge of, and whom has intimate knowledge of me. Sometimes, it feels as if it’s not the fact that she left me for someone else that hurts, but the feeling of knowing you’re second best.
I am sick of being second best.
I am sick of every girl I’ve dated leaving me for someone else.
I want to improve.
I want to be better than I am to make sure that I am perfect.
Still, people say that it’s impossible to be perfect. Well in that case, I want to be as close to it as I can be. As cruel as it may sound, I want to be able to say that it’s not my fault that my girlfriend left me, she was just a bitch/slut/skank/whatever. Right now, I have no idea what I’ve done wrong to make her leave. I don’t believe the bullshit that comes out of people’s mouths sometimes - the drivel that they spoon-feed me in order to make me feel better about myself.
Fuck you.
Tell me straight to my face what the hell went wrong so I can fix it. Not necessarily fix it to get back together with you but in order to improve and make you jealous of the next girl I end up with. I’ve even told you this to your face and still you deny and try to make me feel bad and worse than that, try to make yourself the victim to make me feel bad.
I’m sorry, you’re not the one that spent two grand flying here in order to be with someone.
I’m sorry, you’re not the one that worked your arse off saving up money to spend to be with someone.
I’m sorry, you’re not the one that flew 10,000 miles and spent 21 hours to go to a foreign country to spend 3 months with someone.
I’m sorry, I wasn’t good enough.
And I’m sorry that I’m about to show you what you missed out on.
Don’t cry to me when you realise you missed out on someone awesome.






























